As we enter the third millennium, time has become something more precious than money or love. "Later, I'm busy, I don't have the time" - we sing the refrain quite automatically, between stuffing the washing machine and churning out emails, between a breakfast seminar and our eleven-thirty presentation. One ear to the mobile phone, one eye on the screen, left hand on the powder puff, right hand jotting down the shopping list.
I look at my colleagues who add changing nappies to the list, and shudder.
I look at the single ones, and covet. They must be the ones with all the time in the world, I think Singles have all these wonderful hours to look forward to at the end of the day. They don't have to spend time with their partner, discuss their day or argue about whose turn it is to cook. They can simply can change into their pyjamas and watch TV or go to gym. And nobody will drag them to the latest science-fiction film they don't even want to see. Oh, to be single again, right?
"Movies and magazines say it's wonderful. Single not-necessarily-white female, thirty and with a booming career. What more can one want?" asks my single friend Bella.
Bella is intelligent, creative and full of energy, so it seems incredible that she is not enjoying her single status. She should be relishing and utilising every second of her free time. "But life is more than a box of pralines as your only escort to the movies," she says.
Six months ago, Bella's relationship of ten years fell apart. Once she'd done all the crying and accepted that he wouldn't be coming back, she indeed enjoyed her freedom for a while. "I liked having the flat totally to myself, reading a book without having to answer what's so funny, eating popcorn for dinner. But after four weekends of catching up with old friends, I found myself lonely on a Sunday morning. Everybody was having family barbecues or intimate plans with a partner, and there I was. All the time in the world and no energy to do anything with it. You know how it is, if you want something done, give it to a busy person? The reverse is equally true. Ever since I have all this free time on my hands, I haven't got round to doing anything with it."
So what does she do with all the empty Sunday mornings?
"I waste a lot of it searching for Mr Right and trying out Mr Won't Do after Mr Had Possibilities. You see, if I don't find Mr Will Do All Right soon, I can give up on raising my own family."
Time is a funny commodity. And it's running out for Bella if she wants to stick to her dream of a picket fence and 2-3 children.
Driving home, I think about all my single friends. Andrew, who reads quantum physics books in his spare time. Melanie, who goes to pubs every night. Tracy, who took up skydiving when her husband left her and now spends every morsel of her free time jumping out of small aircraft in Africa or Florida or Southern Spain. Yep, they definitely have more time on their hands than any married people I know.
Then there is Anne. Anne lives in Cyberspace. She talks to her mother on the computer, reads on-line newspapers and meets boys on Internet Relay Chats. All those articles in magazines about love and friendship over the Internet, could be about Anne.
Anne loves being single. She often tells me that the best thing about having an electronic boyfriend is that you can log out when you've had enough.
"So what is it like to be single?" I ask her. By email, of course.
"Busy. You have to do your own taxes, change your own tyres, fix your own vacuum cleaner. If only I had a boyfriend to do the cooking every second day and balance the chequebook, I'd have a lot more time to surf the Web. So if you know somebody whose life ambition is to be a househusband.... :-) "
That's when it dawns on me, the point of being part of a couple. You think it's about emotions, intimacy and saying we instead of I? You're wrong. It's about dividing household tasks by two.
| Tell a Friend About this Article |
